And here I thought I was smarter than a rubber ball...

After deciding that the exercise balls at the gym are the rubber equivalent of a cesspool, I recently purchased my own.

"How convenient! Now I can work out with one of these things at home! And avoid the inevitable exposure to more bacteria than a spinach farm! Eureka!"

Little did I know that the term "exercise" on the ball's box would refer to the effort it takes to inflate the thing. I'm totally convinced that I have just worked up a better sweat than the usual twenty minutes on a stationary bike.

And I still haven't gotten the f-ing ball inflated. Where is a dead monkey to shoot when you need one??