On any day that doesn't end in "Y"

I'm amazed by the complexity with which seemingly simple activities are often conducted. It should not be hard to get exactly what you ordered at a drive-thru window. It doesn't seem as though it should be insanely difficult to find a decent dry cleaner. But I have found the mother of all overly-complex situations...Credit cards.

I don't feel as though credit cards should be complex at all. It's a little plastic card...you swipe it, get your stuff, pay the bill later. Simple. However, the little inserts full of fine print in my monthly statement would beg to differ. I marveled today while I read an "important notice regarding your credit card." It reads as follows: "If during any four month period immediately following a billing period in which a late and/or overlimit fee is assessed, you pay at least the minimum payment each month but the total of your payments does not at least equal the sum of the finance charges billed, plus 1% of your new balance, plus any assessed fees, your minimum payment will be changed to the greater of...."

Shouldn't it read something more like: "If during any four month period, you write us a check to pay this bill and you don't use a green ink pen, raise your right hand, while facing north, and recite the alphabet backwards while simultaneously jugging three oranges, on the third Wednesday, after the first Monday, between 4pm and 5pm, during a leap year, we will increase your minimum payment, take out your knees, shave your dog, set your car on fire, bankrupt your brother-in-law's tractor dealership, and destroy the livelihood of you and everybody you ever met."

Why? Why do they do this? I'm convinced that credit cards companies are singlehandedly plotting to take down the entire capitalist system...preferrably scheduled for the third Wednesday, after the first Monday, between 4pm and 5pm in the next leap year.