Mysteries of the Universe

I used to think that "self-scan" lines in stores were a stroke of genius...until I stood behind six people at a self-checkout line at Wal-Mart, wondering why the other two self-checkouts were closed. (Really, what is the point of having them?) And why, like the ATM, movie ticket machines, or the doctor's office, these scanners are yet another version of the post office line...where time stops while other people take weeks to process their transactions and I take about 35 seconds. I also started wondering why stores have 30 checkout lines in the first place when they only actually use a handful of them at any given time. 'It's Saturday--in December--at Wal-Mart.' If you don't use them all then, when do you??

My mind started jumping to all the other great mysteries of the universe. For example:

- Drivers in Utah. I just heard that my cousin had a wreck while making a left-hand turn. The guy next to her decided to make a U-turn from the right-hand left-turn lane. How did this dude get a driver's license? (Actually, I fear that I might know this guy....)

- Lunch fiascos. How come, at Apple Spice Junction last week, I ordered the ASJ (ie: "Apple Spice Junction") Signature Salad only to be told that they don't carry it anymore. Wha?? The "Signature Salad" you don't carry?

- Diet, low-calorie water. Apparently, this is real stuff. Seriously....huh?

- My friend Bryan's "Theory of Project Addition" (http://wreckedbyreality.blogspot.com/) It's not really that I don't get it. It's just a mystery to me because it's an unavoidable phenomenon. Sorry, Bry, no amount of listing or planning will protect you from this fate. ;-)

- Serial television show writers. Without fail: I watch a new favorite show and marvel at how the writers come up with all that crazy stuff, and after a few seasons, I start to wonder what sort of crazy stuff they are on... (like the Alias writers: really, why amnesia, why??)

- Uncooperative shower drains. How is it that my shower won't drain and won't plug?

Welcome to life on the event horizon.