This is how my kids are going to get sleep...

For the past few months, I have often joked to my mom that, due to my unsuccessful dating status, I am going to be the thirty-something single aunt/spinster with cats. (Mom now calls me "the cat lady.") I despise cats and would never own one, but I read a book about a girl turning 30 who feared this exact thing, so i too adopted the idea. I have even wondered if the reason I don't have children is because I have a high likelihood of screwing them up. I'm neurotic, obsessive, unnaturally paranoid, and easily panicked. I usually combat this notion by telling myself that, evidenced my ancestors, these traits get progressively less by generation, so my kids may actually be normal.

However, tonight I was given proof as to why I am not yet a parent....

While telling my mom about a baby shower for a girl at work, I described one of the presents she received as "walkie-talkies." Not once, but twice. On the second misspeak, Mom said, "Well, it's obvious you don't have a baby...they are not walkie-talkies." Baby-mommas don't use walkie-talkies; they use baby monitors, which in fact are technically one-way devices.

My kids are screwed.......