1.2 seconds

How is it that, in some situations, the prep time and the payoff are wholly incongruous? For example, you plan...and scheme...and organize...and conspire for..... a birthday surprise party, only for the moment of surprise to last exactly 1.2 seconds...... a marriage proposal, which hopefully turns out well in 1.2 seconds...a contest award winner announcement, that generates clapping in 1.2 seconds (or shameful silence, one of the two). It takes exactly 1.2 eons to plan for 1.2 seconds of excitement.

This phenomenon unfortunately works in more than one direction. It also only takes 1.2 seconds for you to realize how big of an idiot you are....and 1.2 *indefinite-measurement-of-time* to reap the suckiness of your second. 1.2 seconds is all it takes to slice your hand open with a paring knife while chopping veggies (yea, I've done that). It takes 1.2 seconds for you to walk in your house only to realize that you forgot the one thing you went out for (yea, always do this too...do I remember that I went out for dish soap while I'm in the store? No, only 1.2 seconds after I walk in my front door with seven other sacks of stuff I didn't need).

And it only takes 1.2 seconds to slip on your front steps in your cute, if albeit uber-slick-bottomed, kitten heels. And bruise and cut both knees. And develop a baseball-sized lump on your ankle, minus one layer of skin, that requires a night of ice on your elevated foot. Yea, I did this. (I know, insert laugh-at-Al here.) So as I limped around today, and person after person asked me if I was sore from overdoing it at the gym, I had to admit my 1.2 seconds of idiotness. (And no, I don't lie about it and make up grandiose stories of mountainbiking and encountering a cougar or something...) Although I still maintain it wasn't my fault...damn those slick steps!

Drive-Thru Open....Sort of......

(Note: Prepare for a rant.)

Okay, so last week I pulled into a local fast food chain (I'll refrain from using the proper name, but the term "golden arches" comes to mind...) for a quick lunch fix for my and my sis. Now I realize this is the farthest thing from healthy I could grab for lunch, but sometimes a girl's gotta have french fries.

Anyway, I pull into the double-lane drive-thru and prepare to order. Every time I pull into one of those, I wonder what the point is. The double lane thing really just seems like an organized way for other people in the next lane to cut in line in front of you. I don't see how this is quicker for me really. However, this is not the subject of my rant today. I order extra value and happy meals for me, my sis, and her tots and wait patiently in line for our greasy, re-heated sustenance. I get to that third, or fourth, or whichever window where the actual food is present (sidenote: why do they have that first window when they always tell you to just go ahead and drive up to the second, third, etc window? Really this whole system seems off to me....) and I am told by window guy to "do him a favor and pull forward a bit to wait on our filet-o-fish."

I should preface this tale by saying every single time I've ever pulled forward to "wait," I've sat for about 6-8 minutes, watching a handful of other cars clear the line, until I finally give in and put the Jeep in 'park' and toodle into the place to gather the elusive, apparently un-deliverable, greasy, re-heated sustenance. This trip was no different. I marveled about how, without fail, the fast food people have managed to forget about that chick from the drive-thru waiting on a filet-o-fish again. Here is my rant: Doesn't this trip out of the car and into the restaurant sort of defeat the purpose of using the drive-thru line? After all, if I wanted to get out of my car, I would have just started this way. Just because the drive-thru system is totally inefficient doesn't mean I should have to be subjected to the same insanity of pointless exercises. This girl thinks ahead and generally chooses the more sensible approach.

And ya know what? Free, stale cherry pies doesn't excuse you people! I'm almost speechless by the insanity of it all....almost........